Everywhere we look, we are constantly being told that we need more, bigger, and better to be happy. Of course, there is merit and value to growth, wanting to excel, and doing our best to be our best in every way possible. But at what point do we say, “Okay, I am good now” and be genuinely okay with that?
The world we live in today tries to coax us into doing all kinds of things to feel like we are getting closer and closer to becoming happy. We buy the products. We acquire the things. We refine the image. Yet, the more we do this, sometimes the hungrier we become. It’s like having a cookie, then having another thinking it will satiate us. Until we end up finishing the box, and start trying another type, another brand, or just do the same on repeat. Thinking: Now I will feel full. Except, the only way we stop eating the cookies is when we are uncomfortably full, have a stomach ache, and swear we will never do it again. Until next week rolls around and we find ourselves doing the same thing. While the cookie tastes good and provides temporary gratification, it doesn’t have the nutrients needed to keep us sustainably nourished and fulfilled on its own. It might provide temporary satiation. Not true satisfaction.
Modern society teaches us to pursue the cookie. That moment of instantaneous pleasure. Making us think that the goal is to achieve that dopamine-filled experience. It’s termed “happiness.” This is a limited way to think, though. If the goal is to arrive at this feeling, then according to this paradigm, anything that is not happy means we have “fallen short.” We have “missed the mark.” We have failed.
What many often overlook about human beings is the “human” part of it. By nature, human beings are fallible. We have feelings. We have emotions. We are not always consistent. We waver. And we are affected by things that happen around us that sometimes we have no control over. To say that the goal is to consistently be on this high, with positivity and joy at all times is not only a risky bar to set, it’s — not human. Unfortunately, it can lead many to think that if they are not happy or positive all the time, something is wrong with them. That they are broken, or otherwise defective. When in reality, they should feel sad when they lost someone close. They ought to be upset if someone violated them. It is reasonable to feel hurt when someone does something hurtful to them.
Instead of pursuing happiness, pursuing authenticity may be more appropriate. Set your goals. Pursue them. And do the best you can to go for what you want because you desire it. Not because it will “make you happy,” but because you believe in it and it feels right for you. Key to this journey is accepting your humanness in the process. If things don’t work out the way you wanted, that’s okay. It doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong or even that you failed. You are allowed to feel hurt or disappointed by this. It’s okay to say, “I wish that didn’t happen.” It doesn’t make you “ungrateful” as much as it makes you human. Sometimes events occur that might make us feel sad. That’s okay, too. Our feeling down is not a reflection of our worth being down. And finally, something really exciting might happen that lifts our spirits, and that’s awesome, too. It feels wonderful. It doesn’t make us more valuable, though. Moreover, our value does not change with our mood. We are just as worthy when we are up as when we are down.
The happiest people are often the people who are not trying to be happy. Their goal is not to be happy. Their goal is to be authentic. Real. Honest. They understand life happens, and that throughout all of it we are just human. Nothing more. Nothing less. There is no shame in being sad. There is nothing wrong with being upset. It’s just a human reaction to a human condition.
Sometimes we’re happy.
Sometimes we’re sad.
It’s okay to be upset.
None of it is bad.