Anxiety is a widespread mental health concern in the United States, especially in Los Angeles. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, it is estimated that over 30% of Americans will have a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder in their lifetime. This means that nearly 1 out of every 3 people will likely be diagnosed with having an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. Given that not everyone with anxiety is aware of or will admit to having anxiety, chances are that the number of people experiencing anxiety is actually higher than this figure. Like, way higher. Anxiety is a condition often characterized by marked fear or worry, a feeling of tenseness, agitation, irritability, and overwhelm. Psychologically, anxiety tends to manifest in the form of overthinking, overanalyzing, over-intellectualizing, second-guessing, and self-doubting, too. With anxiety ostensibly on the rise, naturally you might be wondering: Why is anxiety so prevalent? Where does it come from? What is the root of anxiety?
To answer these questions about anxiety, it’s important to consider that the world we live in today is very unique. Although we benefit from exceptional technologies, achievements, and accomplishments at record paces, the reality is that the world we live in today does tend to promote a sense of emotional avoidance and distance. When we are routinely being taught that our value is intimately tied to how we look, how much money we have, who we know, and how well we perform, this interferes with our natural pursuit of authentic connections as human beings with other human beings. When what you do, how you look, and who you know become more important than who you are, anxiety is almost inevitable. As pressure mounts to polish the image to win validation from others, it is easy for a person to lose sight of who they are. The identity becomes murky. Alas, the appearance takes precedence over the reality. From here, it can be argued that the driving force behind this frantic obsession to perform and look successful and attractive is the fundamental root of anxiety: the fear of being disconnected. A fear of missing out. A fear of missing out on perceived connection.
Although there are exceptional advantages to the world we live in today compared to the past, it is important to recognize that that efficiency is coming at a cost. When people feel a pressure to come off a certain way in order to be liked, feel accepted, and “be connected” to other people, when the performance is more important than the individual’s truth, something is wrong with this picture. Unfortunately, these people stand to lose their sense of self. They disconnect from their true selves. And, consequently, disconnect from others as well.
A common narrative amongst people with anxiety is, “I am not good enough.” Sadly, this belief often began in childhood, wherein the child was criticized, put down, diminished, neglected, and invalidated by caregivers, adults, or other people. What the child didn’t realize at the time is that those people who did all those hurtful things were limited. Alas, the child could not understand that the criticism, judgment, or neglect was not about them. They could not fathom that they did not have control, so they internalized it all and took everything personally. It gave them a sense of pseudo control. Indeed, one of the hallmarks of childhood cognition is egocentricity: thinking everything is about them. Someone yells? “It was my fault.” Someone doesn’t pay enough attention to them? “There must be something wrong with me.” Someone mistreats them? “I must have done something to deserve it.” And so much more. In this process, the child learned to internalize everything. From reactions, to judgments, to outcomes, they reason, “It was because of me.” Imagine repeating this throughout one’s lifespan. Thinking anything and everything that happens is because of you. Before you know it, self-worth would drop. Self-confidence would be pummeled. And naturally, anxiety would rise. All due to this delusion that they are the center of the world, that they are the cause of everything. From here, the anxiety leads the person to constantly look outside themselves to feel valuable on the inside. Whether it’s to look good, sound smart, or appear attractive, the anxious desperation likely kicks in and convinces the person that they need to get a certain outcome to feel important, valuable, or deserving. To feel like they matter in the world. To the world.
While the root of anxiety may look nuanced for everyone, the underlying pattern seems similar across the board. The person with anxiety has spent so much time running, trying, surviving just to feel like he or she is enough. Trying to be who they think they “ought” to be, or others want them to be, to be worthy of love and connection. But nothing is ever enough. Sadly, there is no amount of money, good looks, cars, homes, or even external validation that will convince someone with anxiety that he or she is good enough. The way to treat the root of anxiety at its core appears to be about finding solace in personal authenticity, intimacy, and deep connection.
With oneself. With others. With confidence. And with kindness.
Fantastic article. Thank you for sharing these insights.