From the beginning of time, men have been told that when experiencing stress, adversity, or plain old discomfort, they need to “be strong.” They should hide what they are feeling inside. Suck it up. Keep a stiff upper lip. Take it like a man.
But what does that mean? Why do people say that? How does not showing emotion translate to being strong? Because if you take a deeper look at what people are saying, it looks like the opposite is actually true.
To be strong, well, that would entail showing your emotions.
When you think of someone strong, you think of someone who has strength. Someone who recognizes that he is afraid, but perseveres and exercises the courage to overcome that fear. Whether we are talking physical, psychological, or emotional stress, fear is fear. And men have been socialized to fear showing their emotions.
When people feel anxious, angry, sad, depressed, and other unpleasant feelings, their body is naturally wired to express that emotion, and to release that energy. Our emotions are there for a reason. They are meant to be there. They are signals. They are our bodies’ ways of telling us that something is going on, something needs attention, something needs to be attended to, and something needs to be addressed in our life. To disrupt that natural process can be really damaging.
While women have traditionally been socialized to express themselves, for some reason the opposite message has been passed down to men. Somewhere, somehow, along the development of society men have been repeatedly told to avoid expressing their feelings, discouraged from talking about what is going on inside them, and told that to share their feelings is “bad,” “wrong,” and that they should effectively “stop it.”
If to be strong means to face your fear, and your fear is to express your emotions, then to be strong would actually translate to share your feelings.
Guys, being strong means to express yourself. Yes, it can feel weird and awkward at first and maybe even downright uncomfortable at times. At the same time, it can be incredibly liberating, too.
Expressing yourself allows you to communicate to your environment what is going on inside you, giving them the chance to attend to you. Whether it’s encouragement, support, or help you need, if you don’t say anything about it, how will people know how they can help you?
Men, the next time someone tells you to “be strong”, “suck it up”, or “take it like a man,” remember that real men show their emotions.
Real men are secure in who they are and are not afraid to share what is going on inside them, what they are thinking, what they are feeling.
Real men face their fears.
So if you’re afraid to express yourself, remember, be strong. Let it out.
There’s a world of connection waiting for you on the other end.